5 Custody Tips for Parents Going Through Divorce

5 Custody Tips for Parents Going Through Divorce

Going through a divorce is difficult enough. But if you and your spouse are fighting over the kids, it can be unbelievably overwhelming. Below are some custody tips for parents who are going through a divorce.

1. Try to Settle Your Case in Mediation

With few exceptions, mediation is mandatory in North Carolina for all custody cases.  Neither party can have an attorney at the mediation.  The only other person who will be there is the mediator.  The mediator is not there to decide your custody case for you.  He or she is there to facilitate an agreement between the two of you.  You don’t have to reach an agreement in mediation if you don’t want to.  It’s a completely voluntary process.  The only thing that is mandatory is that you go.

There are a lot of benefits to settling your case in mediation though. For one, you will save a great deal on legal fees.  You will also save yourself the time and emotional toll of going through a custody trial.  Lastly, in mediation, you have the power to decide the outcome.  At trial, the power is taken away from both of you and placed in the hands of a Judge.  His or her decision may not be as favorable as the terms you and the other party work out in mediation.

 2. Speak Civilly with the Other Party

It’s best to limit communication with the other party to cut down on conflict.  If you need to speak, make sure it’s via email or text messages.  Your emails and text messages are potential evidence so be as civil and kind as possible even when the other party doesn’t return the favor.  This is true for phone calls as well as they may be recorded.  It’s legal in North Carolina to record a conversation you are a party to without the other party knowing it’s being recorded.

3. Maintain a Record of all Communication

Make sure to save all emails and text messages between you and the other party.  But not just the other party.  You should limit conversations with the other party’s friends and family members.  But if you have to talk to them, save any emails and texts with them as well.

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4. Limit Your Social Media Presence

It’s best to deactivate your social media accounts while your custody case is on-going.  Do not delete any accounts or posts you’ve already made.  But taking a break is a good idea.  Anything you post can be used as evidence in your custody case.  It’s difficult to tell what a Judge will find inappropriate.  It’s also difficult to tell what comments you make on social media will strengthen the other party’s case against you.

If you must be active on social media, do not discuss your current or past significant others, your divorce or your children.  Also, do not post pictures or status updates about any parties, alcohol, drugs or any romantic relationships.  Click here for a more comprehensive guide on Social Media Dos and Don’ts.

5. Consider a Therapist

Divorce is a confusing time for children of all ages.  Therapy allows a safe space for them to process their feelings and learn how to manage their emotions in healthy ways.  If you do not already have your child in therapy, consider doing so now.  Therapy is not just good for children going through divorce.  It’s good for you as well.  Therapy is there for anyone and everyone who wants to feel better, identify negative patterns and create lasting positive change in their lives.  Clients who go to therapy during their case with us are much better off emotionally and mentally than those who do not.


It’s difficult to know what to do during a custody dispute.  Our knowledgeable family law attorneys are here to help.  Contact our office today to schedule a consultation.


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